Yeah I come from California- God is green . . . eyes are blue.

Whenever I experience beauty, I always have a sudden urge to write. To pick up a pen, pencil, or open up a Word document and try to capture that beauty. To attempt at finding the perfect words and phrases that will describe feelings, smells, sights, tastes, and sounds of beauty. Tonight I went on a run, which has become customary of my evenings here in San Francisco. It's more of an obligation that comes with my steps towards bettering myself: mind, body, and spirit aligned. But tonight it was a pleasure, a very rare occurrence, so I tried to relish it and I will try to describe here what I saw, smelled, heard, and felt:

I saw the sky. It was dusk, my favorite time of day, when the clouds turn pink and the setting sun turns the whole city golden. I ran up the Harry stairs (all 230 of them) and then around the entirety of the top of the ridge, glimpsing the glinting and glowing city every few seconds as it bobbed in and out between the houses. When I reached Billy Goat Park, I experienced the same sense of weightlessness that keeps me coming back there--I felt on the top of the world and that I could hold the entire city before me and the Bay beyond in my grasp. I would like to go to this spot at any time of day and I am sure that it each hour has its own character. I saw the fog as it advanced over the top of Twin Peaks, threatening to take over the city with its blanket of mist. It was like a scene in a movie, when the storm advances, foreshadowing the coming of evil. When I came over the top of Diamond Blvd, the sun had disappeared over the top of the hill, leaving only a glowing strip of light that speckled through the mist of the fog, turning its underside into light.

I smelled the pungent mix of clean air, hyacinth, Indian food, marijuana, licorice, and laundry (my favorite smell)

I heard the happy and uplifting music in my ear buds--I was listening to a mix that I made for a beach trip I took with Lindsay two summers ago. It reminded me of the carefree, blissful time with a dear, dear friend--a combination of the Goo Goo Dolls, bluegrass, the Dandy Warhols, oldies, the Indigo Girls, "A Dios de Pido," G. Love, and Gary Jules, who I have named this post after.

I felt exhilaration in my muscles, a burning feeling that kept me going and my legs moving. I felt that gasping, straining pain in my chest but somehow I wanted to keep running, to conquer stair cases and hills. I felt like my legs could take me anywhere. The beautiful thing is, they can!

"Ecstasy is all you need,
Living in the big machine,
Now..."
-the Goo Goo Dolls

how we get around

A few weeks ago when I rode the BART for an hour, my Ipod died and I didn’t bring my book, which forced me to sit with myself and enjoy the ride. No distractions. So I got my notebook out and began to write.

…Not only do I have a weird fascination with men in kilts, Renaissance choral music, and hidden urban staircases, but I love exploring cities and mastering public transportation systems. There is a strange sense of achievement that I get by confidently hopping on a vehicle with up to hundreds of people I don’t know, sitting with them for however long, and then getting off again at a totally new place that I want to go. It helps me grasp my geographical bearings and makes me feel like a native. Sometimes I feel like my life’s a movie riding the BART. Passengers are always so much more fast-paced, especially in the morning when we all rush toward the station in hoards of business suits, Starbucks coffee, and high heels. Time speeds up when we all walk quickly down the escalator, dodging other commuters to get on the waiting subway. We settle amidst hundreds of other commuters as the door beeps and then ruthlessly closes. Then the subway moves away at rapid speeds as my Guster or bluegrass music hums in my ears. No one talks to each other and when you take your earbuds out you are surprised to hear silence. Sometimes, though, the sound of wheels grinding on the rail is so loud that I can hardly hear my music anymore, the train playing its sweet but abrasive metal symphony to drown out any other music. When you get off the BART, there’s an unspoken rule to wait your turn in line to get on the escalator. Sometimes I can’t help but laugh as I become part of the faceless throng, a phenomenon that is commonplace and exciting but also disturbingly typical of our fast-paced, almost impersonal 21^st century American society.

I also love riding the bus. If I sit and read a book, I can get some reading done and get to where I need to go. If I plug in my ipod, I can sit back and just observe. Last week, I saw men playing chess on makeshift tables by the Powell BART station. They all looked different, the men and the chess boards. There was also a man following the bus in the bike lane. He rode the length of the bus line, keeping up with the bus. Way to go! And way to show that with a little leg work, you can get somewhere just as fast if not faster than a vehicle. It really is possible to take ourselves off the grid even if it’s just for a half-hour bike ride.

If I unplug from everything—Ipod, book, my own thoughts, and just let all the sights, smells, and sounds around me infiltrate my consciousness, I can really begin to know and enjoy a city—with all its quirks, idiosyncrasies, and flavors. I always hear a diversity of languages—from Chinese to French to Spanish to Russian, to Italian, to another unrecognizable tourist language. I always wish that I could understand their words fluently so that I could take part in their conversations, even if it’s just to listen in. But alas, they can converse without anyone eavesdropping. I can hear profanity uttered from the back-bus dwellers. I can hear people’s conversations about their day and their workplace, getting just a glimpse into their lives and their spheres of being.

Whenever I’m on the bus, BART, MUNI, or in any other public area, I cannot help but think where the strangers around me are coming from and where they are going. Where do they work? Where do they live? Do they have a family? Who are their friends? What do they enjoy doing? What is their favorite food? What are they thinking about underneath their Ipod earbuds? What kind of a person are they? What kind of conversation would we have? We are all living our lives separate from each other (or so we think) and for even just a minute or for a whole bus ride, we have infiltrated each other’s spheres. The thing that is so bizarre to think about is that with one “Hello, how are you?” to this stranger like I said to the elderly man on the LA Metrolink, we can break into this sphere. We can be part of each other’s life story for a small amount of time and maybe we will get the chance to know where each other is going. Our spheres may already touch somewhere, who knows? My hope is that six degrees of separation is not as complex as we think.

la famille, la maison

the words "family" and "home" are interesting to me, two words in the English language that are both interconnected and constantly changing. as a twenty-something young woman, my concept of family and home has become extremely complicated

first of all, living in three cities during one year is complicated. at the youth to youth conference in LA, introducing myself was hard. do i tell people where i am currently living (san francisco, with my aunt and uncle), where i go to school and where i will be officially living in three weeks (seattle, jefferson st.), or where i am from and from where i pull my identity (portland)?

what it all comes down to is finding a compromise...considering a combination of these three cities to be my home

i associate my childhood, my high school years, my beautiful friends who have known me the longest, my immediate family, the house i have lived in since i was born, and my nostalgia of the 10 bridges, powells, urban forest, and hidden staircases with portland, oregon. talking to Liane at the Foundation yesterday about our tie to different places, I associated the nostalgia and community that she feels about hawaii with my own hometown. there is something about portland that only Portlanders can understand- this fierce obsession, love, and pride that comes with living in such a livable, small-town-in-a-big-city. because of this, i don't think i can ever detach myself from calling portland "home," no matter where i go in life. 2735 will always be my permanent address (as far as I know!) and most of myself was created here.

97201

I associate discovery, independence, expanses of water, ferries, community, love of academia, sitting around with good food, wine, and company, and freedom with seattle, washington. in the last few months, especially, i have missed Seattle more than I have missed Portland. Almost entirely because of the people that I have met there, but I think that this can contribute to one's idea of home more than anything else. Yesterday I received a text from a good friend that said, "you need to come home! and yes, seattle is your home now." Even though I don't have any plans to stay in Seattle past June, at least for the coming year, Seattle has creeped into me and yes, I do think that I can call it home. I have lived there for three years independently, had my first apartment there and will be moving into my second soon. I have learned to love the city, its quirks, its people, its walkability, it's expanse, Seattle U, the family I have found there, and have learned to be annoyed at its less-than-efficient public transportation system (at least compared to pdx or sf).

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I associate restfulness, exploration, independence, public transportation, metropolis, identity as a twenty-something, and my corporate experience with san francisco, CA. i have only lived here for three months, but i have already begun to deeply love this city. i have been coming here to visit on my own for thirteen years now, to the point where the house on sanchez and my family there have become a second house and family. I don't think I realized this until I came to live here, how much my visits to san francisco have affected me over the years. you can never have a true grasp of a city until you live there, of course. when I arrived in June, I only had a rudimentary understanding of sf's geography and transit system, but I feel as though I have a handle on it now. working full time and feeling completely integrated into the corporate systems here have prevented me from exploring the city as I'd like, but that only inspires me to want to return. September 9th will not be the end of my relationship with this city and I hope to come back when life leads me this way again

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...and then there's family. i like to think of family in a broad sense. i have some pretty incredible people in my life, some friends that are too close and special to be considered friends. they are family. my sense of connection to family members has changed throughout the last few years. Becoming more independent has made me want to cultivate deeper connections with my family members, immediate and extended. I send more letters and texts to my Grandma, call my mom more often, and have added all my cousins, aunts, and uncles on Facebook. I have come to realize that despite all these strong connections with friends, family will always be there. My brothers and I will always have an inseperable bond. I may want to live in Cleveland at some point to connect more with my family ties there. I have also have come to accept that family does not have to mean just these people. Family can be what i think it to be. Two of my closest friends came to visit me in SF a couple weekends ago, friends who I consider family. There is a certain comfort, an ease of laughter, a lack of self-consciousness with them that I associate with family.

The thing that is most overwhelming is that I am only twenty-one years old! I can't even begin to imagine how my web of "family" and "home" will continue to increase as I get older, live more places, meet more people, establish strong connections, and even have a family of my own. How exciting! bring it on...

in summer, the song sings itself

“In summer, the song sings itself.” -William Carlos Williams

I don't know if it's just because I have more time to explore during the summer, free of academic commitments or tasks afterhours, but I seem to define my summers and my summer adventures through song. I always seem to discover new music and turn my new favorite tunes into mix CDs for my friends during the summer months.

It might also be because of my current musical interests, but folk, oldie, and bluegrass music seem to define summer to me. Some tunes I have been listening to and enjoying lately have been the Fleet Foxes, Blitzen Trapper (Portland band!!), and the Giving Tree Band (the philsophy behind this band is inspiring!) along with old favorites such as Old Crow Medicine Show, Cat Stevens, the Band, CCR, and Emmylou Harris.

Road trips also mean time and space for music exploration, delving into the depths of my ipod to discover and resdiscover tracks. I just returned yesterday from a delightful and relaxing family vacation/road trip. Last Thursday, Ann, Steve, Dylan, and his friend Philip and I hopped in the car and drove up I5 to Ashland, Or. The next day we were joined by Mom, Dad, Kevin, and Colin and we spent the next 3 days seeing theatre at the Shakespeare Festival, reexploring the town as we do every year, and in my case, spending money on gifts.

One of my biggest expenses, speaking of music, was a wonderful concert-sized ukulele! I am so excited to have a portable instrument like this aside from my large Martin guitar that is beautiful and smells nice but is also very heavy. It's also easier for my little fingers to find the right cords and sustain them on this little uke. I didn't buy it in Hawaii, but at least I am helping to support an independent music store in Ashland! Appropriately, it's named after one of my favorite "Band" songs...it's called "Cripple Creek Music Company." My stringed instrument career continues to grow! I've definitely been inflicted again with the creative bug! After being in Ashland and perusing artists' greeting cards, prayer flags, and musical talents, I want to write my own songs, record them collaboratively, create collage art, and write novels obsessively. I wish my summer allowed all that time but don't I always wish I lived two simultaneous lives?

We stopped for a night on the way back to the city in Arcata, CA Mecca for hippy and artistic-minded people like me. Steve is a Humboldt State alum and still has many college friends in the area. We had a fantastic time eating tacos and sharing stories with them in the evening and exploring the town the next day. I was lucky enough to find my heaven: Tin Can Mailman, one of the best and well-stocked used book stores I have ever seen aside from Powells! I was surprised to find a book I'd been looking for in SF book stores for weeks and lingered in the three aisles of nature-themed books. I could have spent a whole day in there and the staff was unusually well-read and very knowledgable about the stock! That's the kind of place I'd like to own. I would combine books with art and wrap it all up with good music and inspiring speakers.

Share your creative thoughts below!! I want to hear where your mind wanders...

all deep things are song

"Vocation is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's great need." -Frederick Buechner

I first heard this quotation last summer during my first exposure to the Shinnyo-en Foundation as a Shinnyo-en Summer Fellow at SU. I think it’s only fitting that this quote has become even more apparent this summer as thoughts of vocation and future are even more glaring. I am constantly thinking about what makes me deeply happy and how these happy things and talents can be used so serve in my post-graduate years. It doesn’t help that I am constantly surrounded by competent and amazing people at SEF who seem to embody understanding of Frederick Beuchner’s words and are putting their talents into action. Thoughts of understanding my strengths and what makes me “me” have been continually revealing themselves to me this summer…things like music (playing and appreciating), working with kids, writing, learning from other writers, publishing, enjoying the outdoors, simple living, and promoting peace and harmony. Even though they are becoming more concrete and real now, I have come to realize that these things have been with me for my whole life, things that have always defined me as long as I can remember.

The music piece became especially apparent today as I ventured up to the Marin Headlands to do a reflection activity on behalf of Shinnyo-en with my coworker Maura. We were invited by an organization called “Music National Service,” which is kind of like the Peace Corps for musicians, to come do an introductory reflection about service and our “roots” for about 20 “fellows.” These fellows are either trained musicians, music teachers, and/or music therapists, who are being funded by our government to bring music into schools or hospitals or nursing homes. These are mostly underserved areas that do not have music education or any musical presence…somehow these fellows are expected to use their musical talents to create community and to bring people together. The concept is incredible. (http://www.musicnationalservice.org/)

When Maura and I walked up to the building where the group was meeting, a great sense of peace washed over me. We were surrounded by trees, a soft breeze, and the scent of pine. When we reached the top of the stairs, I heard the sound of “Blackbird” being picked on a guitar accompanied by soft singing overlaid by intricate piano playing further interspersed with various drum beats. We were completely enveloped by the music. After about fifteen minutes of set-up and introductions, I felt completely at home. I could relate to these people right away in a way that I cannot completely explain. It wasn’t that I was on the same page with them musically (in fact, I felt somewhat intimidated by them), but after leading the reflection activity, I felt as though I wanted to know every person in that room in a very deep way. I wanted to hear each person’s story. This doesn’t happen too often and I just went along with the warmth I was feeling in my heart.

There is something about music that touches and moves people in a way that nothing else can. I can think of nothing more real, authentic, and creative than music. It is universal, it can define a person or a culture, and when a person shares music with you, I feel as though they are sharing a very intimate part of their soul. Music makes us want to connect—to our humanity, to who we are individually, and to each other. It is the earthly and sensory representation of something beyond what we can create. We can surely be creative with music, but the creation itself is something that I will never understand. To hear tight harmony is something magical.

The universe has strange ways of telling you things…things that seem normal. It seems as though these moments of intervention by the universe should be introduced with a warning like a bright light, a halo, or the stoppage of time. But of course it doesn’t happen like that. I’ve had weird and coincidental things happen in my life, things that have made me question the “randomness” of our lives, but have never labeled them as monumental or “telling” until today. First of all, I met a woman at the event at the Marin Headlands who was on staff at Music National Service. Turns out that her previous job was working in the environmental education field. What a small world! I asked her how she got into the job with MNS, and she said that her heart is with working in nature but that her passion in life is just to promote “education that works” regardless of the subject matter taught. What a fantastic way to think about the educational field! She has worked towards creating meaningful opportunities for kids with music and in nature, two things that are so universal to humanity and something that I could look forward to in my life in the future.

The other moment happened much later in the day, when I was walking down Chestnut Street to meet a longtime family friend for wine and appetizers at a wine bar. I had just had a stressful previous half hour, almost leaving my debit card in an ATM, trying to maneuver MUNI across town, and talking to mom and dad on the phone about my overstimulating day. I looked up to see a woman waving at me from a couple feet away. It was a woman who had been at the presentation I had done earlier with Music National Service! She recognized me by my Six Billion Paths to Peace tshirt and of course I recognized her. I couldn’t believe it. Turns out that she is also a site leader for the MNS folks serving in Seattle, one of their sites being Baily Gatzert Elementary right down the street from my house. Bizarre and telling. When she handed me her card, I couldn’t help but shake my head. If that wasn’t the universe giving me an invitation I don’t know what could be.

This is an aerial shot of the Marin Headlands, just to give a little visual taste about where I was today

The Marin Headlands Youth Hostel

the sun's out again!

The foggy, dreary, chilly weather in San Francisco has driven me into a little cocoon of sorts, quenching my desire to write blog entries and post pictures. It's been bizarre hearing about the sweltering heat wave in the Northwest when I've been wearing tights and sweaters to work! But today the sun came out and we drove down to scorching hot Santa Clara to see the Earthquakes play the Sounders (the Sounders lost horribly 4-0 but I discover that Sounders fans are just as die-hard outside of the Emerald City. They may have been obnoxious but they are also insistent so I loved the chanting coming from their little section). Anyway, I think that it’s time to share my life and musings a little bit again.

Plus it’s Sunday. And Sundays are peaceful days. Days when we can reflect on our weeks, take a run in the late afternoon or in today’s case run up 700 of the Harry stairs, cook food leisurely, let our bodies relax in our chairs and just sit. Sit and eat healthy food. Sit and enjoy the company of family. Sit and enjoy a good movie. I have watched two really amazing movies this weekend that have made me think…those kinds of movies that reel through your mind constantly for the next couple days. One was “Slumdog Millionaire” which everyone but me had seen. A Hollywood movie that somehow, amidst such Oscar hype, remained authentic and caught the essence of a third world country and the push and pull of poverty, power, dominance, privilege, heartbreak, chance, and life path that exists in this world. As has most things these days, it has prompted me to think more deeply about what my post-college gap year will look like: where I will travel and where I want to serve. The second movie is called “Defiance.” A fantastically beautiful piece depicting bravery, community, brotherhood, strength, the human spirit, achieving the impossible…a true story set amidst the horrors of WWII about three brothers who somehow save 1,200 Jews by hiding in a Belarusian forest for two years. Incredible. I found myself grinding my teeth throughout, horrified even by the Hollywood depiction of war. I can’t even imagine the reality. War is never necessary but it seems as though it is always the option that is chosen whether that be because of human greed, revenge, pursuit of power, prejudice, or other extremely complicated factors. We humans are constantly learning, but I think that we all need to learn to be more compassionate. Of course, I say this theoretically…entirely easier said than done.

My cozy little corner of the world here on Sanchez St. has been fairly uneventful it seems, just chuggin along on this little summer train of mine. But actually quite a lot has happened since my last blog entry! Far too much to bore you with in a long entry…so many morsels that sometimes it feels as though I’m wading in goodness.

Here are a few highlights and reflections from the past few weeks:

-One free weekend before A/S/D returned…I explored the Haight, Golden Gate Park, and waited 40 minutes in the Mitchell’s throng for an ice cream cone. Spent most of this weekend on foot with my point and shoot in hand.

-Helped to facilitate a “Peace Studies” institute for 6 college students who have received grants from the Foundation to start peace projects at their schools. Two were from SU who happen to be two of my dearest friends… I had a blast being a participant, a tourist, and an intern all at the same time. Went to Alcatraz, visited grantees sites in the E. Bay and Peninsula, and was introduced to raw “live” vegan food at “Café Gratitude” and “Pena Pachamama,” an Organic Bolivian restaurant with fantastic live music. Wonderful to have a bit of home here too with Gordon and Sean.

-Attended SEF and Youth Service California’s annual retreat. Theme was “Peace, Service, and Spirituality.” Spent the weekend talking about these things, walking a labyrinth, kayaked, did yoga, and ate fantastic food. Five other SU people from the Center for Service came and added to my homesickness…so good to see familiar and loving faces. Came away feeling restored, replenished, inspired and rejuvenated as is typical with retreats.

Here are a few visuals if you’re interested:

Walking up to the Coit tower...the setting sun was reflecting off an office building through the fog

I stumbled across Buena Vista Park which satisfied my hunger for trees, hiking trails, urban staircases, and foliage made into peace signs

One of my group members reflecting at the retreat. Tomales Bay in the background...

Los Angeles I'm Yours

Revisiting the concept of surreptitious meetings between people, I have had quite a few unexpected interactions and experiences riding public transportation in both San Francisco and LA which have been quite entertaining and enlightening. I have been spending quite a lot of time alone in the last couple weeks, as my aunt and uncle have gone out of town until next week. Therefore, I have spent a lot of time either home alone watching “That 70s Show,” baking crisp, watching soccer highlights, going on runs in this extremely hilly neighborhood, and writing posts like these or spending time people watching while walking in the neighborhood, taking public transit, and riding the wave of the crowds downtown.

I will start with LA, the city that this post is named after (I’m really not that enthralled with LA, I just like the Decemberists’ song “Los Angeles I’m Yours.”) After I left the highly emotional and over stimulating environment of Youth to Youth at Claremont McKenna College, I boarded the Metrolink train at the Claremont station bound for Union Station in downtown LA. I hadn’t seen one of my best friends from high school, Ester Kim, in over a year and was on a mission to get myself into the city so that I could spend the evening with her. Alone once again after spending a surreal week surrounded with people, when I arrived at the Claremont station, I was first unsure what to do. The station looked deserted and closed, so I panicked for a second whether trains were actually running. I walked around the station to see an older man probably in his 70s sitting complacently on a bench and saw a train ahead fast approaching the station. I didn’t have a ticket, so I asked the man how I could buy one. He said I wouldn’t have time as the train only stopped for a few minutes at a time.

The thing that I find most interesting about public transportation is that no one talks to each other. I ride the BART or MUNI to work every morning with hundreds of other people at a time I have not had one vocal conversation with any other commuter yet. Similar to my reflections on Youth to Youth, you never know when you will connect with someone at any time, including strangers on a train! I have always believed this to be true, but have never had a real captivating example of human connection until I rode Metrolink.

So, I boarded the train with the older man, sitting across from him because he seemed knowledgeable about the system and would be able to explain anything to me. He was holding a thick book that was written in what looked like Spanish or Italian at first glance. After a couple minutes of silent thought, I decided to surpass my fear of awkwardness and break the conversation barrier, asking the man if he took the train often. It turns out that this was all I needed to begin a captivating conversation. The man’s name name is Jerry and he rides the Metrolink often to go into the city for lectures and meetings for Los Angelian artists and visionaries. He is a retired art history professor and lives with his partner in Claremont. He taught at Pomona for years and now spends his time writing about how to teach art/painting or about very specific moments in Church history as they relate to sacred art. It was fascinating talking to him and even though he was somewhat hard of hearing, he sensed my interest in his stories of traveling abroad and studying art. He is fluent in Italian, German, French, and English and can get by with Spanish and various Scandinavian languages. It was unbelievable! His eyes would light up when he talked about his academic/professional interests which were also his personal interests and he liked to quote classic writers including one that I don’t remember who geniusly quoted, “For every language, there is a soul.” It’s so true! I feel like somewhat of a different person when I speak French and Jerry explained how a different personality of his comes out when he speaks German. He also explained the nuisance of just learning how to speak Italian…because one uses different muscles to speak this language, Jerry’s lips were often sore by the end of a day in Italy. These are only a few of the captivating stories that Jerry told me on this hour-long ride. We both enjoyed each other’s company, and it was interesting how eager he was to talk to me about his interests. Was he lonely or just excited to have someone to talk to about his interests?

After my overnight stay in LA with Ester where I discovered “LA Live,” a restaurant that had 138 beers on tap, and the fact that downtown Los Angeles is actually more green and tree-laden than downtown San Francisco AND Seattle (but not holding a candle to Portland), I took the Metrolink out east once again. This time I sat across from a middle-aged African American woman who I connected with right away. She was visiting LA as well and was riding the Metrolink for only the second time, just like me. She had come into the city to attend Michael Jackson’s funeral a few days prior and was staying with her cousin out east. Turns out that she is now living in the East Bay, so close to where I am currently living and had previously lived in Seattle for 13 years! Not only that, but she had lived in Shoreline where I lived only a month ago! Before that she lived in Portland!! Her brother lives in the same neighborhood that I grew up and he works at OHSU where Dad works. Finally, she had spent some time in Eugene where her daughter went to South Eugene High School, where my freshman roommate, Dewey, went. What a small, small world! We laughed together about all these crazy coincidences and she kept saying, “You are following me, girl!” It was awesome. When she got off the train, I realized I didn’t get her name.

These two stories reminded me of the fact that everyone on this planet craves human connection and meeting other people. It’s funny to me that I had to travel to LA to really realize this…who knew LA was so personable! Sharing stories is one of the most basic ways we can share our common humanity with each other. Once you break the invisible boundary with a first “Hello” or smile, you become acquainted. What’s crazy is that’s all it takes.

youth to youth

After returning from my week-long trip to the LA area (Claremont), it’s taken me a couple days to step back and process/reflect on my experience there. Coming back to the “real world” of sorts has not necessarily been a rough transition, but certainly an interesting one.

I alluded in my last post that I was going to Claremont for a week to help facilitate at a drug and alcohol prevention conference hosted by a national organization called Youth to Youth. I flew down on Monday and arrived at the Ontario airport in the afternoon unaware of what to expect or what the organization really did…there is only so much that you can glean from a website! I was picked up by Kris who was holding a sign with my name on it! That was the first time that had happened for both of us (holding a sign for someone at an airport) so we were excited. Kris took me to the Claremont McKenna campus where I checked in and put my bags in my room. I spent the next 3 hours until training started exploring the Scripps and Pomona campuses and strolling through the small town which was charming and blended in perfectly with the campuses--kind of bizarre.

At 7pm I arrived blindly at the training room literally knowing no one, nervous if I would fit in or not. When I walked in, the room was filled with teens and adults, all greeting each other with excited hugs and exclamations. They obviously all knew each other already. I quietly walked over to an empty seat and sat down but was quickly greeted with a huge hug and a “nice to meet you!” by another staff member. Thinking back on this scene and my introduction Youth to Youth, it’s hard to imagine that 2 months ago I did not know this organization existed. It’s hard to imagine that only a week ago I was arriving in Claremont. And that 2 days ago I got back to San Francisco. So removed now from this community and family that I completely immersed myself in for 5 days, it’s hard to label my week as anything but surreal.

After the first night where I got to meet the other youth and adult staff members and after the first day when I got to know them all very well, I felt as though I had gone through a grueling crash course. Even though I relished meeting all of the staff members and having the opportunity to get to know their stories, I was still far behind the adults who had been working for Youth to Youth for 20 years, other adults who had been attending the conference since they were 14 years old, or teens who has spent their entire adolescence in the program. I learned a lot about drug and alcohol prevention and that this conference had nothing to do with rehabilitation or treatment. Youth to Youth’s four pillars are drug free fun, education, personal growth, and community change, all of which I felt like I could stand for and all which had nothing to do with substance abuse or treatment. Some of the people who came through the program could have used in the past, but this was not really part of their present or intended future. And if it was, it wasn’t really mentioned.

Being an “outsider” to the program, in other words, I have not been involved with Y2Y for most of my life and have never made such a serious commitment to a drug-free lifestyle, I felt in the beginning as though I was somewhat of a “fake.” I still feel like that to some extent, but I learned by the end of the week that this program is more about community building, leadership development, and authentic relationships than it is about checking up on people’s individual lifestyle choices. The first few days made me think a lot. What would my life have been like if I had made such a commitment in high school? Not much different, but a community like this would have been pretty special. How would my life have been different if I had gone to a public high school, where pressure to drink or do drugs would have been more real beyond my academically-focused life at SMA? Who am I to myself and others? How can drugs or alcohol change a person’s priorities or way of presenting themselves in the world? Have I ever let that change me? How do I model good behavior? Who looks up to me? What is good behavior for myself and my core values? What am I passionate about and want to retain close to me? Who do I look up to? These questions were constantly circulating through my head as I tried to take in the whole experience, especially when the pace picked up as the middle/high school participants arrived and I began to form bonds with them and hear their stories.

At the end of the week, when I was completely overwhelmed with the experience and the incredible people I had met, I began to realize how non-coincidental it all was. Sometimes you meet people and experience things at just the right time in your life and they catch you off guard. That’s what last week was like to me. Meeting a woman who I will now look up to and emulate as I pursue my career path in education and writing…my discussions with her and her presence in my life cannot have been random. Or meeting a 16 year old young woman who is now like a little sister to me…discovering that my age means that I am now suddenly a role model cannot have been random. Facilitating a group and meeting the 9 amazing high schoolers in our group cannot have been random.

I have begun to take this summer in stride: to let the people that I encounter and my experiences in California to affect me. To let them fall into place in the jigsaw puzzle of my life and my path. My personal philosophy (or as we say it at Shinnyo-en, my “path to peace”) is that improving the world and my experience in it will ultimately come through connections and relationships. Balancing a strong sense of self with the relationships that I form and being transformed by what I see and experience will change my consciousness. Doing this will allow me to see the world differently and act more compassionately because I understand my place. These realizations are what Youth to Youth has given to me and I hope that it continues to give to me as I maintain the relationships I have established. I hope this esoteric reflection has represented a minutia of what I have been discovering and grappling with, but if not, just trust me. Life can just hit you sometimes.The Youth and Adult staff at Youth to Youth!

couch sitting among more exciting activities

though i have been couch sitting quite a lot due to my unexpected sickness last week, i was still able to enjoy the holiday weekend. contracting some sort of viral illness wasn't all a surprise because of my high pace of life leading up to this summer and the thousands of people i have been around since i arrived in san francisco (conference and public transit) not to mention the entirely new environment and new lifestyle.

even though i have joined the ranks of the commuting elite in san francisco, taking the BART everyday into the bustle of downtown, my pace of life after the workday has slowed down considerably which has been wonderful. i love being able to come home and want to hang out with my family, cook dinner, and watch Fox Soccer Channel. i love being able to watch the sunset from my aunt and uncle's deck in an old rocking chair with peeling white paint. i love being able to walk outside and pick blackberries and logan berries, bring them inside and make a fruit crisp with them. i love being able to sit on the couch and read for pleasure with a glass of lemonade. i love being able to go on runs and view the entirety of the city of san francisco from the top of the hill. i love being able to journal and reflect and make lists...

this weekend was a great mix of lounging and exploring. i've come to terms with the fact that i will not be exploring the entirety of the city in a weekend, so i've just been taking it slow and taking it all in. aunt ann says that she didn't even really have a grasp on san francisco until 10 years after she moved here so i think it's an accomplishment that i can have my bearings and be able to master BART in two weeks. on friday after a blissful, slow, lethargic morning of no work holiday, i dragged Dylan out onto a walk with me. he had to get a book and I wanted to go check out a bead store on 24th Street. we made our way through the neighborhood, me pointing out countless antique stores and asking dylan about his opinion on restaurants as he bopped along listening to his techno electronica rap music in one ear bud. we got to 24th street and discussed our family, school, and friends while we were serenaded by a bluegrass band in front of an empty lot. i looked in my bead store and saw many pretty glass creations but did not purchase. we continued down the street, accompanied by young couples and baby strollers and stopped at a neat used book store with a very helpful, quite attractive employee who was intrigued at my interest in finding dorothy day's autobiography. they didn't have it in stock. then dylan introduced me to cactus tacos at a mexican restaurant down the street and we ended our excursion by stopping for truffles and gelato at the corner of sanchez and 24th. we got a triple scoop of mango, pomegranate, and blackberry/chardonnay which really did taste like wine.

the next day, after ann/steve/dylan left for the airport at 6:30am, i slept in and woke up by watching "the devil wears prada" for free on on demand. then i hopped on BART and traversed across the bay to Berkeley. there, in the land of bikes, farmers markets, used book stores, trees, and birkenstocks, and co-op living arrangements, i met up with my long-time friend from elementary/middle school, sam. we hadn't really hung out since middle school so have not ever really had a mature, adult, intelligent conversation but have always shared an interest in academia and booklearning. it was comfortable company and i was very glad that i was able to fit in with her circle and that we were able to catch up in such a congenial way. we bought lettuce at the farmers market, made salad with her friend alyssa, ate some fantastic veggie bbq patties with avocado, tomato, and onion, ate some more dessert of chocolate fondue and cherry/blackberry pie, and ended up at the bluff to watch the fireworks show. the group participated in the typical "american" tradition of watching colored lights in the sky and discussed the fact that of course we would celebrate our country by shooting off gunpowder and potentially violent substances. after, we wandered the neighborhoods and played apples to apples in a quaint, colorful berkeley artist apartment.

the next day i went further east on BART to visit my friend Andy from Seattle. they were in the midst of moving everything out of his childhood house so we sat at the kitchen table and played a poker-like card game with his friend. all his aunts and uncles buzzed around us and i sipped sparkling berry lemonade. i headed home after a few hours as they lifted heavy furniture into moving vans.

i'm now preparing to leave miss piggy the guinea pig in an empty house for a week as a travel down to claremont, CA for a drug/alcohol prevention conference for high school and middle school students. i will be a staff leader and have NO idea what to anticipate. so more to be discovered. please excuse the previous post if it is not working correctly. it doesn't show up sometimes, so i might fix it soon. safe travels!

whirlwind

Beginning life in San Francisco has been quite the adventure! It is hard to believe that I have been here for only one week and that so much has happened since I arrived. One step at a time, so I will now try to recount the happenings in the Golden City. There is much to tell so beware of the length of this post.

I have been immersed by the intensity of my first week as intern at the Shinnyo-en Foundation. It felt as though I arrived in San Francisco very high energy from my immersion trip, did not have any time to let down, and then dove right into working from a very high place. Monday through Wednesday was the National Conference on Volunteering and Service. A big deal especially because Shinnyo-en was a co-sponsor! Their name was very prominent which was exciting for such a small organization…there was a lot of buzz at the conference about SEF and people were very impressed. I think I have realized that SEF is becoming a lot bigger deal even by the day than I would have thought! I have begun to learn a lot about how the organization started and the fantastic places that they are going. My supervisor told me that they have begun to receive more money from the Shinnyo-en Order because of the Obama Administration’s focus on service and the fact that “community” and “service” have become hot topics in our country recently. Obama’s election, this conference, and Shinnyo-en’s growth seem to have all happened at just the right time. It is so exciting to be part of an organization that is, right now, growing very fast and going in such an exciting direction and it is amazing to me that they are able to maintain their integrity as they grow…

Since Monday was the first day of the conference, Shinnyo-en started off big. They had an opening, very formal luncheon where they announced their annual “Pathfinders to Peace” awards. I was able to sit at one of the back tables, eat a fantastic lunch, and watch Maria Shriver get her award (along with many other amazing people).

Lunch and Maria Shriver

After the luncheon, the two other interns and I went to the Shinnyo-en booth in the main building of the conference. The booth was fantastic! We got many comments on its aesthetic appeal throughout the week. Pictures speak louder than words:

What's Your Path??

I worked at the booth for most of the conference, which meant that I didn’t get to go to many workshop sessions, but I did get to talk to many conference participants about their organizations and work and then talk to them about SEF. It was so cool to see the variety of service being done all over this country and what great endeavors people are immersing themselves in. Talking to so many people reminded me why I feel so aligned with the work of SEF and why the work of selfless service and integrity in everyday life is so important for people to dedicate themselves to. Monday evening was the highlight of the week. At the opening ceremony for the conference, we got to see many high-profile speakers in the service field, people who are excited for the new direction that our country is heading. Most prominent were Nancy Pelosi, Ahhnald Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver, Bon Jovi and….MICHELLE OBAMA!

Michelle Obama (in real life and on the big screen)

Hearing Michelle speak was incredible. She is so articulate and I felt quite honored that she is our first lady. How refreshing it is to have such authentic leadership in the White House! She spoke of this renewed era of service in America in which every citizen can engage in, helping to build and sustain their own communities. How inspiring to hear her words.

The rest of the conference was spent at the booth: selling t-shirts and mugs, talking about Six Billion Paths to Peace, and conversing with passersby. I was also able to attend Faith Day where we talked about the integration of interfaith dialogue, service, and community building domestically and abroad. All very fascinating. I was also interviewed three times for online news sites and was asked to write a few articles for the SEF website so stay tuned for those!

Thursday was my first day in the office. It was supposed to be the first day of orientation, but instead we were interrupted by an office-wide trip to the airport. Bishop Ito, the husband of the head of the Shinnyo-en Order, had been visiting San Francisco as a very respected delegate, representing the Order at the conference and at the awards ceremony. He was there with other high-profile Shinnyo-en members, so all of us at SEF went to the airport to see him off. In typical Japanese style, we lined up to bow and say our words of appreciation to the Bishop. And in typical SEF style, we took a group picture, all in the middle of the airport. This last week has certainly been an immersion into Japanese language and culture as half of the SEF staff is from Japan and maintain their cultural customs in the office. We spent Thursday, Friday, and Monday orienting ourselves to the office and its culture. This consisted of general office standards but also reflecting on the conference, discussing our values and learning goals, as well as talking about our ideas about peace and what our path to peace may be. It has certainly been a rich and intentional experience thusfar. I feel at peace just knowing that the organization I work for values each of its employees and his or her life’s path. Yesterday I began work on a couple actual tasks! I started to compile a “Six Billion Paths to Peace” sourcebook for the Shinnyo-en Fellows that will be arriving at the office in July for a Peace Studies Institute. Two are from Seattle U! This project has been exciting and has been primarily compiling articles and source materials into a single document. I have also been corresponding with all the Shinnyo-en Fellows from SU. I know all of them and it is exciting that they will be down here soon for the institute and retreat.

Aside from working, it is hard to believe I have lived in this city for only a week! It has been good to change my pace of life from 100 miles a minute to maybe only 70. J I have learned how to maneuver BART and will soon start on MUNI. I have been walking around the neighborhood of Noe Valley quite a lot and have begun to run again as well. There are some views of the city from this area that are just breathtaking. I have also already finished one book! “A Thousand Splendid Suns” and it was indeed very splendid—highly recommended, sad but real. I have seen two concerts, one of them being Eric Clapton on Monday night which was highly unexpected but amazing to see people that are in their 50s or 60s party hard and rock out! Kiera and I had such a fun time observing the hilarity of the audience that we were at least 30 years removed. This weekend I also picked loganberries and blackberries for a pie, went to the Pride Parade, and went to an exhibit at the DeYoung about King Tut complete with artifacts! Stunning!

Ann, Steve, and Dylan head east to NYC, Cleveland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island on Saturday for 2.5 weeks so it will be a quiet 4^th of July weekend for me. Next week I will be going to LA to be on staff at a conference for middle and high school students (http://www.youthtoyouth.net/). When I get back I hope to take advantage of the quiet house to exercise, practice guitar, read, watch sunsets from the deck, cook and bake, collage, and take the bus to explore different parts of the city. More adventures to come!

View of San Francisco from the deck!

and so it begins

i've only been in the city for an afternoon and i've already discovered so many wonders. san francisco is such a beautiful city. not as green as seattle but it makes up for it in my mind with its expanse of beautiful houses. every hillside is covered with a mulitcolored patchwork of architecture, each with its own character and charm. no cookie cutter houses here

my aunt and i went on a brisk walk this evening before dinner, and aside from the fantastic views from noe valley, i really felt at peace with how this summer is going to unfold. realizing my comfort in this house, a house i have known my whole life with family that have known me just as long, is very exciting and really puts myself in a good place to jump into work tomorrow with gusto.

i unpacked and set up my room today. i'm lucky enough to share a room with a bowflex machine who i hope will become my friend this summer. even better than this is that i have an old turntable and sound system right next to my bed. i unpacked to the band and michael jackson, but there's a wealth of original 60s and 70s vinyl to be discovered here!

i forgot about how lush the backyard is. our childhood sandbox has been turned into an herb garden, there's lettuce, squash, and broccoli planted haphazardly, and nasturshums are growing everywhere else except for the logan berry plot. the best part of the backyard is the view of the entire city (pictures to come) and the treehouse that dylan used to use in elementary school. i have a weird but awesome fascination for treehouses, so i forsee this as a potential reading anc city-gazing hideout.

tomorrow i start work at shinnyo-en. i'll be venturing into a 12 hour day at the national conference on volunteering and service which should be exciting, stimulating, and exhausting(http://www.volunteeringandservice.org/). more to come about this! all i know is that work life and home life are going to be equally gratifying and exciting. coming home to watch the sunset over san francisco and play a few songs on my aunt's original 1970s guitar doesn't sound to shabby to me and i'm sure i will relish in it all